Flash Floods and Mud Slides

My scheduled date was for release on the 1st of November. I was up at 6am to shower, blow dry my hair, make sure my clothes were squared away. All my jewelry was off, nothing in my pockets except my id. One more trip to the potty, wash my hands, and put Vaseline on my lips. 8:50am the phone rings and I walk up to the cop shop knowing that my name is one of the first to be called. Tammy stayed overnight at a motel in Chowchilla. I grab my pass and race out the door, walking as fast as I can to make the gate before the yard opens. Thankfully, a copper was at the gate and I breezed right through. Life is going perfectly, and this is just a celebration of that. I get to spend this beautiful fall day with my best friend.
I get through the pre visitation search quickly and hurry into the visiting room. I locate Tammy standing up and headed in my direction as I check into the cop shop which is required before you can go to your family.
Tammy and I collide in a huge hug. Immediately I notice that something is wrong. Her face is not radiating the joy we feel at my going home; rather it is the face that precedes bad news. True enough she says, “Lets go outside”
No
We need to go outside
No, nothing good happens out there. (Going outside means that she needs to tell me something serious and that is the only place we can get a little privacy. It is were she told me that Grandma died, that I had lost my 9th circuit appeal, that both her boys needed surgery, that the woman who raised me had died, ect.) Great Grandma died right?
It may seem bad but this was a better alternative than something having gone wrong with my date.
Tammy started to cry and my worst fears were confirmed deep down in my chest.
I said, “I’m not going home am I?”